Lately, I’ve been really struggling with deserved-ness. Do I deserve love and affection? Shouldn’t I just be happy with what I’ve got (which, admittedly, is a lot)?
I get in to this seemingly endless cycle of feeling unsatisfied, then beating myself up about how ungrateful that train of thought is. And what I am left with is feeling rather blue.
This internal dialogue between what we have and what we don’t have can lead us in to a sea of suffering. This is a part of the core Buddhist idea of non-attachment – which means not holding on so hard to what we have in fear of losing it — and not living in a constant state of desiring so much more, but rather embracing the current moment; or loving what you’ve got.
For me, a perfectionist who thrives on achievement – this has always been a hard concept. But, I am also a person who aspires to live in deep gratitude, and cries at the drop of a hat thinking about how much I love my life — so I feel the tension between living in the moments of grace and still always wanting more.
The more for me isn’t really about material things, but rather emotional states. I want to feel closer to the people I love. I want to feel more appreciated. I want to appreciate them more. And, of course, I want to do it without grasping on too hard, without strangling other’s separateness, and without being too needy myself.
And, so, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about deserved-ness. What do I deserve? And how do I ask for it and still stay in the moment and committed to gratitude?
As a mother, I want to model for my children that they should ask for and seek out what they deserve – be it praise, or friendship, or love. We, of course, would never tell our children that they don’t deserve to live in radiant joy – so why do we tell ourselves that?
I have a deep fear that asking for too much will leave me disappointed, or perceived as greedy, or just sad. I think many women have been indoctrinated to feel that their needs are too much for others to handle. The trope of the over-emotional woman, the needy woman is well-worn, and frankly, just tired. Asking for what you need in relationship should be ok. And needing love is a basic human need – just ask Maslow.
At Sonata, we want to be your partner in helping you achieve the look and the confidence you deserve to have. Most people don’t know the range of things available to them to help them feel the way they want to feel. I like to talk about Embodied Sovereignty – or claiming your throne in life – and stepping in to your highest good. We want you to be able to share your gifts and your unique light far and wide.
So many people come to us who aren’t stepping out in to the world because of something about their appearance troubles them or holds them back. Let’s take that concern off your plate. Let us help you SHINE with the brilliant light you were brought here to share with the world.
You deserve it!
I’ve written a small mantra for myself, and maybe for you, to say when you aren’t feeling deserving — deserving of love, deserving of praise, deserving of joy. This deserved-ness doesn’t mean you don’t have to contribute positively to your relationships or work at your dreams. It isn’t sitting on your couch and becoming a superstar … effort is required. But, it is believing that at your beautiful core, you deserve to live a life that makes your shine – and that your brilliance allows other to glow as well.
A mantra is something that you can write down and say to yourself. The idea is that by putting your wish/mantra out in to the world, you can start to shift the energy around you in the world. And by shifting this energy, you can also shift your focus towards getting those things in life that you “deserve”.
I deserve to live a life of joy, full of loving connection, where I can share my greatest gifts with others and shine my light upon all who cross my path.
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